Growing up I never wanted to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). I wanted to have a career that at some point or another allowed me to be self employed. I also didn't want to have any kids until I was at least 27. I had two kids by that age, and when my 3 year old was 9 months old and the week after Christmas 2010, I woke to be a mom instead of getting on my slacks and doing my hair/makeup.
I honestly felt like I was on a vacation with my baby, an extra long one. Then reality set in a couple weeks later and I realized that changing my clothes every time they got dirty was a waste of time and that my growing bump with little number 2 made it that only my husband's pajama bottoms were comfortable. (Which he still blames me for being stretched out). And just 2 short weeks after that my husband was laid off for two and a half months. I blamed myself for giving up benefits, a steady paycheck and an occasional bonus.
But can I say that I have NEVER regretted being home with my kids. But it's hard sometimes. For instance:
-I usually eat standing up at the counter, because I get so tired of my daughter taking food from my plate and saying that it is hers, putting it in her mouth and spitting it back out on my plate. Unfortualy my body does not realize when my husband is home I guess and I do it at dinner and he asks why I am not eating with the family.
-I never have a clean shirt on if I am in 10 feet of my kids. This includes date night. My husband has a crazy schedule and sometimes he says "Let's go" and I have 10 minutes to get dressed or we have something planned and he is super late and I have to feed the kids dinner and somehow not get it on me. (Impossible if your wondering)
-I get yelled at if I turned on a show for myself when my kids are awake.
-Going to the bathroom with the door shut is a luxury I am only allotted twice a week. That's a good week.
-I miss waking up on a Saturday morning with nothing to do except what I want. Not having to cook for anyone or dress anyone but myself.
Count to think of it I miss having what is called a Saturday, doesn't apply anymore really.
-I never sit for long because my son needs help getting his pants off in time to make it to the potty without an accident and my daughter is in the beginning stages of potty training. When one goes, the other does. But then there is a sippy to find. And the darn toy....
And the biggest thing of all is I miss having a reason to get dressed and be pretty and not have a kid or two climbing all over me.
I informed my husband that this date night every 3 months, sometimes less, is not cutting it. I can't wait unitl my son goes to preschool this fall and I just have one kid for 2 hours a couple days a week. I also can't wait for a year and a half from now when my daughter goes too and it's just me.
And then there's the fact that I ask my husband for another baby, just one more, at leats twice a week. I love being with my kids, but sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do that is meaningful. And then I WATCH THIS VIDEO and have more peace with it all. And I go on to another day of holding my kids whenever I want to, stealing kisses, having a messy house, a stain on me somewhere and a confirmation that at the end of the day I am doing God's work.
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