In my head for a moment

Saw this on a couple of blogs and I thought I would try it since I just had my 28th birthday.

Eating:
Just had a smoothie made of frozen banana, milk, cocoa powder and honey with a slice of wheat bread with strawberry jam on it.

Watching:
Bubble Guppies, per my kids' request.

Working on:
10 year high school reunion, preparing for leaving to Washington in 8 days to help my sister recover from a serious knee surgery, shampooing carpets and keeping the kids quiet downstairs while my husband sleeps a few more hours from working all night.

Craving:
A vacation outside of the U.S. I have only been to Oregon, Washington, California, Idaho, Utah and Montana/Wyoming (Last two are just over the border for camping/tourist towns) and a corner of Arizona on our way to Disneyland. My husband lived in England for two years and I am jealous because I think a little English cottage in the country side sounds dreamy to me....

Thinking:
I have a lot of organizing to do but need to buy stuff for it. This is specifically what I have in mind, just have to find the stuff to do it with. I love this blog and look at her projects OVER AND OVER.
That I really want to buy a house to make my own but just not in the cards right now.
My husband is really amazing for my birthday gift on Wednesday. He did what I asked of him. I wanted him to do all the cooking and cleaning, including one load of laundry. This was a big deal since the last time was just over 2 years ago when Lilly was a newborn. When I talked to my sister she asked what I was doing, I said nothing. She was shocked until I explained. It was amazing.

Wanting:
To get off the last 26 pounds of unwanted weight. This may not sound like too much for some, but I am 5 feet tall. It might as well be 50. I do exercise, running is my true outlet. But I have to control my eating and it's hard when your home all day... The biggest thing is I just needed to move towards a clean eating diet (or as close to it as possible) for my family. If we are all doing it, it will be easier doing the same diet for us all instead of one for the kids/husband and one for me. (Which I have done, you crash and burn in my opinion/experience).
A house of my own.
A little something with 10 fingers and 10 toes, squishy cheeks and compact in size. A baby! Hoping to be holding one by fall of next year. My husband was on board after some persuasion, but said he wanted a couple of other things taken care of first. I do not plan on being past 30 having my last child. 

Looking forward to:
Enjoying my last two years in my twenties. I want to enjoy/take advantage of them and go out with a bang. I hear you really feel more confident in yourself in your 30's.
Seeing my family in Washington for over a week!
A family reunion at the end of July.

Reading:
Pottery Barn Decor books from 10 years ago. They have like 5 or 6, got them at my library (which I dream of having in my home) and love them.

Contemplating:
Closing down my shop next month due to lack of orders. I had a set budget of what I was allowed to spend to start out and can't spend more and get more products in it until I have revenue coming in. And there is only so much I can continue with after my month to month costs. It is heart breaking but reality and I have excepted it as a possibility. I have sent a couple of things off to some blogs and we will see where it takes us.

Feeling:
Blessed. I have a strong, hard working husband who makes it possible for me to be with our children everyday. For healthy children. For my son who wakes up early and cuddles me in my bed, a daughter who is sitting by me now because she needs to be close to me. She follows me everywhere. Most of the time I like it. We have a comfortable life and while there are things I want (shoes, clothes, a career sometimes for my own for self fulfillment, house, baby, a Monday-Friday/8-5 job for my husband, and a weekly date night where I have to dress up) I know that these things are just wants, and I have all I could ever need. And I love that.

Making Baby #3 is GO!

After months and months of begging, dropping hints, poking and threats, my husband finally gave me the okay to have my IUD taken out so we can try for baby number 3!!!!

As many as my family/friends know, I only wanted 2 kids. But now that I have two I really just want one more. I see an infant and I just want to take them in my arms, smell their hair, kiss their fingers and spend hours with them. That is how I know I need/want another. Women that are done having kids will want to hold them for a few minutes and then give them back.

My husband used to want four! Then I talked him down to two. Then when I said three, he fought me because he had it in his mind that he would have two. And because of his crazy work schedule, he was worried about giving each child the love and attention they needed. I told him that isn't an issue.

Then the other day he said, "If you need another baby to be happy, we can have another." Smiling I said, "I don't need another baby to be happy, we have a fantastic life with the two that we have, but I know that another baby would add to that."

So next month on the 14th at my yearly Gyno appointment, I am going to have my fantastic doctor take out my IUD. It will probably take at least 6 months to get pregnant, and just the kind of person I am, I do not want to be 30 having a baby. (No offense to those that have) I will be 28 next month so a baby for my 29th birthday would be amazing! The biggest reason I don't think I would pull out too much hair? Isaiah would be 4 and Lilly would be 3 if I didn't have a baby until sometime after their Spring birthdays. I fell that is a great pacing. (Typing it though makes me realize how big they are getting)

My excitement over what will be happening soon is over the moon and I can't wait to feel a little life in my body again. More so to hold one.

I know that children are a blessing and commandment from God. And women I look up to and admire have at least that many AND work, I think I can handle three and being home.

Cheers to my upcoming pregnancy! (For those that know me, I am blessed with getting pregnant easily and am so grateful for it. My heart TRULY goes to those who struggle with it because I cannot the pain that can come from wanting a child and not being able to have one)

My Boutique

It's been a little while since I have blogged. I do hope to catch up soon but to be honest I have found true inspiration writing in my hand written journal. I suppose I feel more at ease to talk about what inspires me, my dreams/goals and blessings the Lord has so very graciously given me in the confines of two hard covers. I will get better at this, I promise!

But currently my time has been taken up by the start of my website. (very surreal to write those words) I have started an online boutique called Dot the I Boutique. FInd it Right Here and tell me what you think! 

For now it is small and my hope for it is to grow surely and steadily over the year. My hope is that people will find something there to brighten their space at home or at the office, and even gift these items to those around them. 

As always, thank you for reading and the best weekend to you! The sun is out and bright and is rather inspiring. 

Warm regards, Bethany

I can write, can't I?

Have you ever wondered how people get chosen to write in magazines (print or online) or guest post on larger blogs? No? I have. I always thought it would be fun to write a small piece in a parenting or adoption magazine. (I was adopted at age 5)

I recently found a website that is all about Freelance Writing. This is how magazines, blogs and websites find their writers. And they get paid for it; if and only if their piece is accepted. Which it seems to me that you could turn in 10 pieces to hopefully get published and not one would be used. And I have seem articles from authors that explain how they are freelancers and money is tight and the next writing job is few and far between. But they love it.

I am not saying I am the next "How To Girl" off of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I am going to dive into the "freelancing" gig and see where it takes me. I have always enjoyed writing in my journal and look forward to it. And if you were to go through my blog you wouldn't see anything extra ordinary. But I do have a goal to write something that someone wants to read.

Why? One, because honestly I feel like a caved in bear sometimes with my little cubs and my only out for air would be sending a piece of printed something to an editor. And two, it gives me a hope and goal to have for myself. We all need goals, dreams and hopes. We would starve emotionally if it were not for them.

I am also in the process of writing a Chick-Lit book for young moms my age. I am channeling my love for Sophie Kinsella in hopes of constant inspiration. Do I think it will be a best seller? No. I have no formal training. Do I think I will love it no matter if someone never publishes it? Yes. In my senior semesters of college I still took dusty old books off the shelves at the school library to research topics for papers. There is something about a book that is familiar and comforting when you crack the spin and dive in. It's nothing like a laptop, nook or tablet. And I find them attractive to home decor on a book case or standing with cover about face on a shelf in a place of honor. (Which I do in my home)

So here's to the New Year and my first goal of 2013. Cheers!

Mortality

I hope everyone had a great weekend. This is not my typical post, so please excuse what seems like a downer mode, I was actually in a upward mood when I wrote it. 

Over the Father's Day weekend someone I love very deeply I found out is going through a harder time medically than I previously knew about. As someone in my family put it, "He is coming to terms with his mortality."

I am having a hard time with this because this man is my Father. He is my Superman. He is not allowed to become weak, to get sick, to be in constant pain. He is the man that modeled for me what I wanted my husband to be later in life, which I was so very lucky to find. 

Medically his body does wants to give up and is slowly fighting against him. He is in no means dying, but my husband made me come to terms this evening that the idea of him being gone in next few years with a hard battle is something to understand, acknowledge and prepare for.

And I am fighting it so hard because he was suppose to be around forever. When I was a little girl he was the strongest man I knew, and ever thought I would know. He guided me through the things my mother could not and taught me so much of how to find the person I am suppose to be. 

He is funny, loves the outdoors and adores my children. And now I find myself trying to find more ways to spend time with him, lighten him and my mother's load and let my children play with the Papa just for the fun of it. But he is still my example. He shows that one must put all their faith in Christ because he has already prepared our path and only wants us to return home to him. And I know my father eventually looks forward to the day when his body will no longer hold him back.

"And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me: Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father. Amen." 

Enos 1:27, The Book Of Mormon.

Playing House

Everyone has the happy memories when they were a child, playing with their best friend. Running around together and playing house. Having treasure hunts in the backyard. Tea parties and sleep overs. You can't help but think about those days and adventures with a smile and get lost in your own thoughts.

For me, those memories take me to a girl named Jackie. She was my childhood best friend that I could not live without. My mother ran a daycare for almost 30 years, and Jackie had been there since she was 6 weeks old. When her little sister came along a few years later, my mother cared for her too until we moved 45 minutes away when I was 9. 

I was 5 when I was adopted, Jackie was almost 4. My first day with my new family, all the daycare kids were there, playing in a swimming pool. I saw Jackie first. I couldn't help but stare at her. She had pretty squinty eyes, sleek and straight black hair, and her skin was a beautiful tan. She seemed so different than everyone else. I found out later she was half white and half Korean, her mother being adopted from Korea as a child. I always viewed it as a bragging right I guess, having a beautiful "foreign" best friend.

We always looked forward to the summer time get togethers. Our families were so close. Her family was my extended family. When my sister Kim was engaged, Jackie's mother, Dixie, threw her a bridal shower. And when I was 12, I went on a week long trip with her to visit extended family in Idaho. (Not knowing that someday I would end up there)

In high school we saw less and less of each other and talked even scarcer than that. She attended my high school graduation in 2003 and I moved to Idaho to attend college. A few years later I saw her on a trip home and our differences were astounding. We had not only grown apart, but grown up as well. In two different directions no less. We were young and finding ourselves. 

In 2007 when I was getting ready to be married, I asked Jackie to be my Maid of Honor. Because of the weekend it was, Easter, she was not going to be able to make it. But I could not imagine anyone else because we had shaped so much of eachother's lives from early on. Anything happy as a child, I could relate to her. When I had a trials as a teenager in my family, she was there. She held me up. 

The week before my wedding I dropped my cell phone in a puddle of water, losing all of the phone numbers I had, since I had not written them down. One being Jackie's. That was 5 years ago. 3 years ago her mother, Dixie, a second mother to me in my mind, attended my sister's marriage to her second husband and we talked for what seemed like forever. I asked so many questions about her. And she was doing great and going to school and working. Just like me. Only I was married. 

Through the last few years I constantly wanted to find a way to contact her but did not have her number. I did not ask her mother for her number out of worrying about having an akward silent conversation with someone I thought I would no longer be able to connect with. I constantly searched for her on MySpace (back when it first started) and then onto Facebook. I could never find her. 

Last week, I was catching up on my DVRed shows and waiting for a somewhat boring evening after putting the kids to bed. Just then, my husband came running down the stairs with my cell phone. "It's Jackie." "What? Who?" "Your best friend from when you were a kid!". He threw me the phone and in the bewilderment of the moment I looked at the number first, in half belief. It was an Oregon area code. "Hello?"

We had a wonderful, reconnecting half hour conversation. We both admitted we had not wanted to drift apart, but it seems to be a part of life. So many times she wanted to pick up the phone but assumed the number she had for me was no longer mine (but it was). I had been trying to find her online for so long but she did not have a Facebook. (But opened one the next day). She had just been married this last September and was having a reception this coming September at her one year anniversary and wanted my address and would truly love for me to make it. As well as my siblings and parents. Children are not invited but mine would be allowed to make sure I come. I was touched. 

I look forward to the new relationship we are going to form. The reason why we stayed friends for so long when we were younger is because we had a connection. That connection is still there, we just need to build a new foundation for it. I am truly happy for where she is in life and can not wait to meet her husband. But it shows that those times I wanted to get a hold of her, I probably could have found a way. Then I start to think of the time we have lost and the bonding we could have had in that time, but I just remind myself that moments like we had come when they are needed. 

It made for a not so boring evening and gave me a little something extra to look forward to in the fall. But more so, it gave me my childhood friend back.

Bethany

When I Grow Up...

Today I am linking up with Kristen, From Kristen, With Love. It is a post about what did you actually want to be when you grow up? (Back when you were a kid)

As Kristen said, she always knew she wanted to teach. I never knew what I wanted for very long. It constantly changed!

I always loved planning things as a kid, like things that would never happen. The most amazing play-date, "penny" sales carnival to make a couple of dollars, that sort of thing. 

When I was about 11 I told my dad I wanted to be a lawyer so I could agree with people and win. He said he would never allow that because he did not want me to be a liar... squash.

Then, at the end of high school for my senior project I did a Graphic Design 10 hour work study. I wanted to do that! I wanted to create amazing pieces of whatever. I just wanted to make something totally cool. When I got to college in January 2004 I started thinking I did not want to work with computers that much. ( took a computer programming class for two years in high school and realized the $100 for the certification test was a waste since it would take me at least 4 or 5 tries to pass )

So I took generals for two years and decided I wanted to do Interior Design (still wouldn't mind). But I thought you had to have art work to show the acceptance board and after a couple of classes of art, I did not have anything great to show.

Starting to feel lost I saw a show on TV right before the end of my 4th semester when I was going to take out an Associate's in General Studies so I could take some time to think about where to go in life. I saw the show "Who's Wedding is it Anyway?" and decided I wanted to start my own wedding planning business. So, I switched my major to a Bachelor's of Business and graduated in April of 2009. (Had a year off in there). I was also certified as a Wedding Planner/Bridal Consultant through a college online. 

I tried to start a wedding planning business, even bought a Ford Explorer instead of a Mini Cooper to have wedding stuff hauling space, but no one wanted me. No One. I helped with a couple of weddings from the sidelines for some friends. 

So in June of 2009 I started working as the Catering Manager at a Holiday Inn and loved it. I planned meetings, conferences, weddings and high school reunions. 

So over all I did end up with a career I could "plan" at. But since December of 2010 I have been a Stay at Home Mom. I do love it and am so grateful my husband has an employer that allows for this, but at the same time, I can't wait to get back to the working world in a couple of years!

I still hope to plan weddings someday though... email me at goldylocksandthebarrows (at) hotmail (dot) com if you would like some consulting!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Bethany

1st Set of Professional Photos of Just Me... In a LONG Time

Some there are many perks to working with J. Bella. One of them was that as a company we all met together in Salt Lake City, Utah for a day to do a product photo shoot a little while ago!

We got our hair and make up done and had some really great girl time. This was the first photo shoot where there were actual "models" in the clothing. (I am by no means "model" material). It was a blast and really helped with my confidence level of not having gotten off as much baby weight as I would like by now. 

Now I feel that every woman needs to do something like this when she has hit a style/confidence/children taking over/career/ anything low.

It reminded me that I am not just a Mom, but a Woman. And it reminded my husband too...

What does everyone think? I have been nervous about putting my face out there but now I don't feel so weird about it.

You can see all the photos of the shoot here at the J. Bella Blog

Happy Monday!

Bethany

My Grateful Thanksgiving

I love fall, there is no better time of the year! I love the colors, the smells and the holidays. You get to layer your clothes and wear sweaters. And for the most part everyone is in a little bit better of a mood. 

I would like to start this year's Thanksgiving with a list of all the things I am thankful for. And after the sweet and tear jerking notes will be the ones we all recognize in life:

My testimony of the Gospel and my faith in God and Jesus Christ. Nothing is possible without them. All that I have is because of their gracious hand. And somehow they see fit to bestow continuous blessings on a very imperfect person as me.

My loving and so very supportive husband, Steve. He works so hard for our family and sacrifices a lot to keep our babies and I more than comfortable. He is giving and loyal beyond measure and I can not imagine a day with out him and the never ending teasing!

My children, Isaiah and Lilly. The light of my life (as I begin to cry). Who knew that two perfect babies would pick me to be their mother?! They teach me more than just patience. The love I have for them is breath-taking and makes me want to do the best that I can in every way so they can be proud of me. And I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with them everyday.

My parents, Jim and Sharron. For teaching me the value of hard work and nothing is free. If I want something, I will get it, I just have to work for it.

For my 3 older siblings, Nari, Joe and Kim (along with their amazing spouses). They are the support I need in life. But I wish I was closer with them than I am. Something to work on. (New Years resolution list starting)

For the parents and siblings I gained when I married Steve. Along with totally cool cousins!

ALL the nieces and nephews we have together. (17 to be exact)

The most perfect best friend for me, Jennifer LeAnn Michelle Haderlie. I can't live with out her. 

Steve having employment so I can stay at home with the kids. Enough to pay the bills and have a little leftover.

A warm and comfortable home. A yard for my son to run in. Reliable transportation. Food in my cabinets, fridge, freezer and storage room. A good hot shower. Cocoa. A good book with a blanket for hours into the night. Megan, Ashley, Shayna.

And now for the stuff I am grateful for that would make everything above here seem too heavy:

The internet for me to space out to when the kiddos go to bed. DVR. I never watch anything when it is actually on. Level burners on my stove. A Kitchen Aid Mixer, because I can't turn a spoon that much before passing out. Lots of storage room in my new car for who knows what, but that what has a home. Cabinets Isaiah can not reach (for only a couple more weeks). Ikea for annoying my husband (pure entertainment) and Cabela's for making him happy again. Hobo spider traps (kill them all). Washer and dryer, otherwise we would all be in dirty clothes. Snooze button. Cook books and recipes on Google (otherwise it's spaghetti every night). Blogs. Crockpot. Great bubble bath products. Spending money, (the $ Steve knows and does not know about). Rugs to cover the lunch spills. No pets to clean up after. Cell phones. GPS. Sunday afternoon naps. Steve on energy drinks.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your day and eat all the food you want for tomorrow we exercise!

Bet

My life long question...

I discovered the hospital I was born at while re-doing my pre-adoption photo album recently. I sent off to have my and my birth mother's medical records sent to me. I have very limited information and my parents thankfully have been 100% honest with me with the little bit they have.

It was hard in a way because I only had her first name and a approximate age. I considered all the factors of if she took back her maiden name, she had been married at least once and the age I knew she was when she gave birth. I used my social security number for myself assuming on that being a for sure bet to find at least what was in there about me.

No luck. I waited with excitement and nervousness for about 3 weeks and then totally forgot about it. Which I figured was because I was getting ready for the baby and putting my time and energy into Isaiah. It took about 5 weeks and the hospital was not able to find any records. It had probably just been too much time or it was the wrong hospital.

So I came to realization that maybe I do not need to know what my medical history was/is. Of course it would be great to know, but at this point I already have a healthy baby and another on the way.

WHAT ON EARTH AM I SCARED OF? I can live a perfectly fantastic life with my husband and children without knowing that information. Yes, at times it would be great to know where I came from, but what really matters is what I do with my family with what I have.

Someday I may try to look again, but for now and for the first time in my life, I am satisfied with not knowing.