Thoughts on Motherhood

Growing up I never wanted to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). I wanted to have a career that at some point or another allowed me to be self employed. I also didn't want to have any kids until I was at least 27. I had two kids by that age, and when my 3 year old was 9 months old and the week after Christmas 2010, I woke to be a mom instead of getting on my slacks and doing my hair/makeup. 

I honestly felt like I was on a vacation with my baby, an extra long one. Then reality set in a couple weeks later and I realized that changing my clothes every time they got dirty was a waste of time and that my growing bump with little number 2 made it that only my husband's pajama bottoms were comfortable. (Which he still blames me for being stretched out). And just 2 short weeks after that my husband was laid off for two and a half months. I blamed myself for giving up benefits, a steady paycheck and an occasional bonus.

But can I say that I have NEVER regretted being home with my kids. But it's hard sometimes. For instance:

-I usually eat standing up at the counter, because I get so tired of my daughter taking food from my plate and saying that it is hers, putting it in her mouth and spitting it back out on my plate. Unfortualy my body does not realize when my husband is home I guess and I do it at dinner and he asks why I am not eating with the family. 

-I never have a clean shirt on if I am in 10 feet of my kids. This includes date night. My husband has a crazy schedule and sometimes he says "Let's go" and I have 10 minutes to get dressed or we have something planned and he is super late and I have to feed the kids dinner and somehow not get it on me. (Impossible if your wondering)

-I get yelled at if I turned on a show for myself when my kids are awake. 

-Going to the bathroom with the door shut is a luxury I am only allotted twice a week. That's a good week. 

-I miss waking up on a Saturday morning with nothing to do except what I want. Not having to cook for anyone or dress anyone but myself. 

Count to think of it I miss having what is called a Saturday, doesn't apply anymore really.

-I never sit for long because my son needs help getting his pants off in time to make it to the potty without an accident and my daughter is in the beginning stages of potty training. When one goes, the other does. But then there is a sippy to find. And the darn toy....

And the biggest thing of all is I miss having a reason to get dressed and be pretty and not have a kid or two climbing all over me.

I informed my husband that this date night every 3 months, sometimes less, is not cutting it. I can't wait unitl my son goes to preschool this fall and I just have one kid for 2 hours a couple days a week. I also can't wait for a year and a half from now when my daughter goes too and it's just me. 

And then there's the fact that I ask my husband for another baby, just one more, at leats twice a week. I love being with my kids, but sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do that is meaningful. And then I WATCH THIS VIDEO and have more peace with it all. And I go on to another day of holding my kids whenever I want to, stealing kisses, having a messy house, a stain on me somewhere and a confirmation that at the end of the day I am doing God's work. 

My Boutique

It's been a little while since I have blogged. I do hope to catch up soon but to be honest I have found true inspiration writing in my hand written journal. I suppose I feel more at ease to talk about what inspires me, my dreams/goals and blessings the Lord has so very graciously given me in the confines of two hard covers. I will get better at this, I promise!

But currently my time has been taken up by the start of my website. (very surreal to write those words) I have started an online boutique called Dot the I Boutique. FInd it Right Here and tell me what you think! 

For now it is small and my hope for it is to grow surely and steadily over the year. My hope is that people will find something there to brighten their space at home or at the office, and even gift these items to those around them. 

As always, thank you for reading and the best weekend to you! The sun is out and bright and is rather inspiring. 

Warm regards, Bethany

I threw in the towel...

Recently I was trying to do everything all at once. Baking, cleaning, being a mom, being a wife and trying many other projects. I found myself extra strict with my kids when it came to diet and sleep schedules. (My husband calls me Hitler some times.... really?)

I was at the end of my rope almost when I turned around from folding laundry to find the below picture:

Isaiah and Lilly had stolen the chocolate chips off the counter and had themselves a buffet off the floor. That's it. I had it. I threw in the towel. I let them eat some and didn't care. I even laughed at it. And no, they did not eat their dinner very well, but it didn't matter. They were happy. But then I realized I was out of chocolate chips. Darn.

Blanket anyone?

This is the pile of blankets I bring up every morning to my living room. My children's rooms are downstairs and I have to carry both kids, pillows, blankets and their two favorite dolls up with them or it is like I am leaving them behind forever. So on days I don't feel I work out enough, I remind myself of the endless amount of weight I pull upstairs every morning....

Recent Pictures

Recently I went to my trusted photographer Kayla Evans at Paisley Studios and had the kids' pictures done outside for the first time. Click this link and let me know how they turned out!

Because I think they are kind of amazing!

Sickey All Weekend

I would have loved to do a High Five For Friday post a couple of days ago, but my husband was home. He worked 7 days in a row out of town (He comes home every 2 days for 12 hours and then leaves again) and had 3 days off that luckily turned into 4. His first day off was Thursday. We laid back and relaxed and then he went shooting later in the day. 

And then Friday we went to the 150 year anniversary of Union Pacific Railroad (Where he works) and afterward as we were having lunch out he got sick. Really sick. A couple hours later at home he revisted lunch. 

So we spent the whole time home sickies. I am now sick, luckily my kids are not, but they may not be far off. 

But I want to know, what are your favorite anythings while you are sick? Mine is ginger ale. Always have it when I am sick. I do not drink soda otherwise. My husbands is his favorite Cleveland Brown's blanket and a survival show of sometime all day. My kids obviously just cuddle all day. 

What do you prefer? 

Tomorrow I will be posting our pictures of your trip to visit the 150 years of UP!

Bethany

Evening for a Mother

Every now and then when I go to check on my kids before I go to bed, I come back out of their rooms crying. My husbands always asks what is wrong. What he does not realize is that when you become a mother, usually you cry more of pure joy than sadness.

When I look at Lilly and Isaiah sleeping so soundly, listen to their breath go in and out making their chests slowly rise, and I play their blankets back on them, I am over taken with pure happiness. I never would have known the endless love I hold for them before they were placed in my arms. And this feeling still happens every now and then in the dark of night when I can just look at them and the only way to show the intense burst of emotions inside of me is to cry.

 Life has never been better, than when I am with my children while they are dancing around me and laughing at my silly faces. But sometimes in the dead of the night when I can smell their baby shampoo and stroke their perfect blonde hair, take out the occasional toy, I reconnect with the moment they became mine. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Bethany

Playing House

Everyone has the happy memories when they were a child, playing with their best friend. Running around together and playing house. Having treasure hunts in the backyard. Tea parties and sleep overs. You can't help but think about those days and adventures with a smile and get lost in your own thoughts.

For me, those memories take me to a girl named Jackie. She was my childhood best friend that I could not live without. My mother ran a daycare for almost 30 years, and Jackie had been there since she was 6 weeks old. When her little sister came along a few years later, my mother cared for her too until we moved 45 minutes away when I was 9. 

I was 5 when I was adopted, Jackie was almost 4. My first day with my new family, all the daycare kids were there, playing in a swimming pool. I saw Jackie first. I couldn't help but stare at her. She had pretty squinty eyes, sleek and straight black hair, and her skin was a beautiful tan. She seemed so different than everyone else. I found out later she was half white and half Korean, her mother being adopted from Korea as a child. I always viewed it as a bragging right I guess, having a beautiful "foreign" best friend.

We always looked forward to the summer time get togethers. Our families were so close. Her family was my extended family. When my sister Kim was engaged, Jackie's mother, Dixie, threw her a bridal shower. And when I was 12, I went on a week long trip with her to visit extended family in Idaho. (Not knowing that someday I would end up there)

In high school we saw less and less of each other and talked even scarcer than that. She attended my high school graduation in 2003 and I moved to Idaho to attend college. A few years later I saw her on a trip home and our differences were astounding. We had not only grown apart, but grown up as well. In two different directions no less. We were young and finding ourselves. 

In 2007 when I was getting ready to be married, I asked Jackie to be my Maid of Honor. Because of the weekend it was, Easter, she was not going to be able to make it. But I could not imagine anyone else because we had shaped so much of eachother's lives from early on. Anything happy as a child, I could relate to her. When I had a trials as a teenager in my family, she was there. She held me up. 

The week before my wedding I dropped my cell phone in a puddle of water, losing all of the phone numbers I had, since I had not written them down. One being Jackie's. That was 5 years ago. 3 years ago her mother, Dixie, a second mother to me in my mind, attended my sister's marriage to her second husband and we talked for what seemed like forever. I asked so many questions about her. And she was doing great and going to school and working. Just like me. Only I was married. 

Through the last few years I constantly wanted to find a way to contact her but did not have her number. I did not ask her mother for her number out of worrying about having an akward silent conversation with someone I thought I would no longer be able to connect with. I constantly searched for her on MySpace (back when it first started) and then onto Facebook. I could never find her. 

Last week, I was catching up on my DVRed shows and waiting for a somewhat boring evening after putting the kids to bed. Just then, my husband came running down the stairs with my cell phone. "It's Jackie." "What? Who?" "Your best friend from when you were a kid!". He threw me the phone and in the bewilderment of the moment I looked at the number first, in half belief. It was an Oregon area code. "Hello?"

We had a wonderful, reconnecting half hour conversation. We both admitted we had not wanted to drift apart, but it seems to be a part of life. So many times she wanted to pick up the phone but assumed the number she had for me was no longer mine (but it was). I had been trying to find her online for so long but she did not have a Facebook. (But opened one the next day). She had just been married this last September and was having a reception this coming September at her one year anniversary and wanted my address and would truly love for me to make it. As well as my siblings and parents. Children are not invited but mine would be allowed to make sure I come. I was touched. 

I look forward to the new relationship we are going to form. The reason why we stayed friends for so long when we were younger is because we had a connection. That connection is still there, we just need to build a new foundation for it. I am truly happy for where she is in life and can not wait to meet her husband. But it shows that those times I wanted to get a hold of her, I probably could have found a way. Then I start to think of the time we have lost and the bonding we could have had in that time, but I just remind myself that moments like we had come when they are needed. 

It made for a not so boring evening and gave me a little something extra to look forward to in the fall. But more so, it gave me my childhood friend back.

Bethany

Double Header Post Today!

So to start my post off today,

THIS IS MY 100TH BLOG POST!

Just a little excited. And I would like to say how thankful I am for all your comments that have been coming in. Especially about my 5K that was coming up.

Thank You!

Which leads into the double of this post...

********************

Pardon the chubby post baby belly. (My legs are looking amazing from running, not so much with the gut...) This is me right after my 5k on Saturday! It felt so good! I had to wait to take a picture until I got back to my friend's house to get my kids. I ran it alone, Steve had to work, but it was a totally great 30 degrees out, so I would feel really bad if someone was waiting there for me. 

I finished the race in 36 minutes and 14 seconds. Number 134 of 207. Kind of sad in a way, but I am so proud of myself. The day before when I did a practice run, it took me 39 minutes and 45 seconds. I shaved off 3 and a half minutes for race day! 

3 things I noticed:

-A man the same as my father (60's) passing me and finishing probably by 15 minutes faster. No exaggeration.

-Being passed by a 7 year old in the last mile. Seriously?!

-Being beaten by a whole 2 minutes by a woman who would stop and walk, then run, walk, run. I never stopped!

Either way I am proud of myself, and the run was so much fun. They had Powerade, Bagels and Kiwi Loco Yogurt at the end. And we raised money for Polio. Not too shabby.

And I saw that a lot of other people had races Saturday as well... way to go ladies! Nothing better than working up a sweat. 

My favorite quote they put up for us while running, "It will feel better when it stops hurting." There is a point where it does, when you see the finish line ahead.

Bethany

What is too young to have a Role Model?

Over the weekend my children, husband and I were with a good amount of family for Easter. It was fantastic! And there will be several post about it all and the detailing events.

Yesterday though, I was telling a family member I hold very dear to my heart that I am going to be running a 5k on April 28th and another in May. It will be my first one since high school. (10 years does *wonders* to a girl's body) She asked me why.

"Because I want to have goals to work towards, to get into shape, have a feeling of accomplishment and I want my children to see the importance of exercise from their mom."

In reply, "Their too young to even know what you are doing, whats the point?! It's not like they would care."

I honestly do not remember what I said after that but that I felt like a small slap in the face had been placed on my cheek. 

I fully think that they notice. Plus as soon as I get a jogging stroller they will be going with me.I know the importance of exercise and so does my husband. Our children will be constantly involved in sports.

So is it wrong to feel I am setting a good example for them now when they are only 2 and about to be 1 in a couple weeks? 

What are your thoughts?

Bethany

My Son Almost Mangled the Manger

Last night at our ward Christmas party we were having a good time, having some nice dinner. Everyone was dressed up as if it was old Jerusalem itself. That is, everyone but us. Sorry, don't own a bath robe, and no thanks anyway. But I was still in Christmas spirit. We sang carols and it was fun. 

As Steve and I are helping clean up and get Lilly in her car seat I look over and there is a giant stuffed sheep Isaiah is trying to RIDE under the manger with the Baby Jesus all swaddled. As I walk over he gets off and pets it like a dog and runs away. I go back to doing something and look over again and Isaiah is trying to PULL DOWN the Baby Jesus by the eye ball! (No other child tried this for the record) And started tilting the manger over. I got there in just the knick of time, but we almost had a one eyed Baby Jesus. 

Joy to the Holidays!

Bet

We've Been "Pampered"

So the other night, Steve came home after being gone to work for a couple of days. It was like 3 am. (Yes, this is normal) We both turn to each other in bed to have a nice snuggle, not knowing where the beauty of the night will take us... absence does make the heart grow fonder.

As we draw closer together, there is something blocking us. It starts to crinkle and I get startled. I know we have spiders downstairs, but really?! 

Steve quickly reaches down and grabs the romance killer, one of the kid's diapers. (Clean of course) This is what happens when you have 2 kids in diapers, they show up everywhere, even without the kid. 

So we both roll over after a quick kiss and say goodnight. Getting "pampered" is not always great. It sure is a mood killer.

The Awkward Early Potty Training of Isaiah

So everyone knows that you need to wait until your boys are at least 3 years old to start potty training them. But what on earth is wrong with getting the idea in Isaiah's head early?

Ever since Isaiah could walk, he follows Steve into the bathroom to watch him pee. But he would stand at a distance. To be honest, I encourage him to watch, because sooner or later (my plan anyway) is for it to seem totally natural for him to start doing it.

Lately though, it has become a little bit weird for Steve. Isaiah has started walking right up to the toilet and looking at his manhood, then inside the toilet. Back and forth the whole time. Steve-O is starting to feel a little awkward and like his space is being invaded. We have two kids under two, of course we don't have space!

I thought this shampoo was tear free!

So my dear, sweet Isaiah has become desperately attached to his father in the last few weeks due to Steve being home, everyday. He cries when he walks away, even if it is a couple of feet. I admit I get hurt a little because Isaiah could care less for me it seems sometimes, and I grew him!

So I decided to take a bath tonight being 37 weeks pregnant and sore. Isaiah thought it was his bath time and started throwing in his toys. So I let him get in with me. We were having a fantastic time until Wonder Dad had to spoil it. He talked to us for a minute and then left.

Isaiah proceeded to cry the entire 2 minutes he was away and try to climb out using my leg. Upon Steve's return he wanted out and to be held by guess who. I am chop liver. But I am glad he loves his dad so much, I just want to be wanted sometimes. But in a couple of weeks our little girl will want me so it's probably a fair trade.